Job pt. 2

I like my job more every day I work. People sometimes hint that it would be best to find a job with benefits, but I find I'm really enjoying what I'm doing, so the benefits seem less important the longer I stay.
We're not supposed to get attached to the clients, because they have so many people that come and go in their lives, and the closer we get to them, the harder it will be when we eventually move on. I understand that in theory, but putting that into practice is a lot easier said than done.
A few weeks ago, I was switched to permanenly being scheduled at the boys' house, which I was excited about, but also a little uncertain about. The boys' house definitely has a more laid back atmosphere, and my head isn't usually pounding by the time I get off, an occurence that happened many times when I worked at the girls' house. By nature of working at the boys' house though, it is mostly male staff, and I have sometimes encountered a less enthusiastic work ethic there. The people I work with on a consistent basis though are amazing people and I have found we work together well to get the job done and have fun with the clients along the way.
Some of my favorite parts of the job are discovering slowly how much more the clients are capable of then what I first thought. They never cease to amaze me, and I am constantly wondering what is going on in some of the clients' minds. They definitely know more than they let on, or sometimes want to let on.
I sometimes wish it was a requirement to graduate from high school to work with people with developmental disabilities. I'm not sure why, but I feel that society has created an image of this population as scary and intimidating. I know when I first started my job, I had no idea what I was getting into, and almost felt alien walking into and discovering a new environment. So many of the people I have met with disabilities are beautiful people, and it is an amazing joy getting to spend time with and support them. I am positive that if more people just tried with working with this population, they would enjoy the work, but for whatever reason society has labeled such work as only suitable for "select people." I understand that my line of work often involves a great deal of patience, which granted not everyone has, but I think patience is a wonderful quality that can be developed when put in the right atmosphere. I remember at the beginning of the summer, my friend encouraged me to look for work supporting people with developmental disabilities, and I thought, "There's no way I would be good at that. Only certain, strong people are capable of such work." When I finally applied for and began working at BCS, I found out I was completely wrong. All the clients at BCS are regular people, just looking to love and be loved during their time on this earth. You don't have to possess some sort of magical "x-factor" to be a part of that process, and you certainly shouldn't be intimidated by getting to know people that may speak a little slower than you or cope with emotional and psychological triggers in different ways than you or I might deal with.
With all that said, I encourage you to keep your mind open in all areas of life, but especially when it comes to getting to know and interact with people with developmental disabilities.

♥

artwork.

here's a preview of some work that could be in production this fall with the development of a clothing/card business my friends and I want to do.
explanations accompanying.

wedding card for my friends shannon and jon.

inside.

back. line from a poem if you click on the larger file.

happy birthday mom.

inside.

the [dark] photo is of my dad fishing at sunrise on the nc coast. the writing is by george eliot.
and yes, I know I wrote 'unspeakable' wrong.

bday card for my friend's 25th

inside.

cd cover for my friend's birthday.

polaroid of newspaper's on my clothesline. lyrics from forever young.

cd cover for my friend.

♥

jorb.

Many new developments have been swirling around in my life lately, but perhaps at the forefront of all this has been my new job! After (literally) months of searching and praying and false hopes and financial strain and new meaning, I am finally employed. My new title is ‘direct support professional’ which makes me wonder, because I definitely don’t feel like my current knowledge allows for the use of the term professional. At any rate, I will be working in both a womens’ and a mens’ home where 6 women with disabilities and 6 men with disabilities, respectively, live. I will be helping support these men and women with a variety of different things from cleaning and cooking to showering and dressing. Different people have different ranges of disabilities, and as a result, require varying degrees of support in any given task. It is our job to help them live as independently, but also with the best quality of life, as possible. I have worked a few days now, and believe that I will enjoy the work despite the long shifts and scheduling hours. It will be nice to be getting an income again, and not have to watch basically all my life savings slowly but surely disappear. This summer has definitely been a summer of trusting God to provide. He has provided through many means: the community garden, the food bank, the emergency shelter, selfless roommates, generous friends, loving and giving parents and grandparents, as well as many small but powerful gifts and stories along the way.

home alone...again.

I will be two months unemployed this Thursday. It's hard to believe I've gone this long. My budget is being stretched and I honestly thought I would have found work a lot sooner. Needless to say, an earlier blog about being unaffected by the worsening economy no longer stands true.

In it all, though, I am still learning to trust that God has something in store for me, and with faith I'm praying it's right around the corner.

I have enjoyed the time off from responsbility and long work hours but I am really ready to get at it again.

At the very least I'm maintaining a labor of love.
♥

BOOM BOOM POW!

So apparently my blender had an unresolved issue to settle with me. That or just don't mess with blenders when they're plugged in.

Thanks goes to my friends Kevin (for being a natural in an emergency and letting me squeeze the blood out of his hand while getting stitched up), Becca, Chris, and Kristen for accompanying me to the ER and buying me a smoothie and Emily for the thought and flowers. You guys are great.



Now I guess I'm a lover and a fighter.

♥

If I made a Postsecret...

First, I feel that I must admit that I am listening to country right now. Yes: dierks bentley with 'trying to stop your leaving.'

I think it spawned from a combination of meeting a mesmerizing mule herder from Montana to listening to Taylor Swift one too many times. Oh, and for the first time in my life, I legitimately want a truck. Not without parameters, however: it would ideally be from the 80s or early 90s; probably a toyota.



Second, my life has no purpose right now. I mean, not really of course, it has Ultimate purpose. But I have no job. And I'm not in school. I thought I would love the feeling of not having obligations or deadlines or responsibility. It actually kinda sucks.

The good parts are in playing my guitar on the porch and people shouting things at me and waving. In hearing my roomate Kristen's powerful voice in the morning. The sucky parts are in telling people I'm unemployed and feeling lazy when I am done with the cleaning and cooking for the day. In $300 credit card bills and no income.

Well, at least I have Dierks to listen to....

♥

bamboo & incense mix splendidly.

I hope working and living life and not going to school or studying is all I have dreamed it to be.

There is this idea that I will soon have lots of free time. To drink sweet tea with lemon on my porch, to play my guitar for the squirrels and insects. To plant flowers and rake leaves. To finally have a motive for cooking and make delicious recipes. And to read. lots and lots of reading.

At the house we hope to rent we are planning our 'room of peace'. in our room of peace there will be hundreds of books on lots of different bookshelves - but it won't be kitschy. and a cool chair or two. maybe a stereo for some easy listening. incense of course. and blankets to cuddle with. oh! and a funky lamp to light the pages. and plants.

everyone is preemptively invited to the abode.

hope you're not allergic to cats because we will have one named tempy and it likes to show you love.

♥

camping & loneliness

I love camping (especially in Canada). So it surprised me when I was sitting by a campfire Friday night at Bald River Falls in TN, and felt lonely. Everyone else was either snuggled in their tents or stargazing and I was left (by my own will) to tend the fire by myself.

I watched the movie Into the Wild a few weeks ago (if you haven't seen it, do). Based on a true story, the ambitious Christopher McCandless graduates from college, sells his possessions, buys some gear, and heads into the "unknown" - first across America and then to his ultimate destination, Alaska. He spends 112 days alone in the wildnerness before eventually dying of starvation/food poisoning.

Although he spends much of the movie trying to get away from it all, at a crucial point during his adventure he decides he wants to leave his Alaskan habitation and return to civilization. Unfortunately, it is here that he realizes he is trapped by a flooded river, and dies tragically a few months later.

Even in the short time I spent by the fire that night, I thought of and sympathized with McCandless. Being alone with only a small fire as company, it was hard to find peace. I wanted friends there, but I couldn't just make people and relationships appear.

I think that's what is so powerful about society. All the work and play and work again and love and heartbreak and memories and loss are all part of our underlying desire to be in relationship with both God and other people.

I love camping, but I also admit that I love the connections that advanced society has created to allow engagement with people at any time I feel lonely.



♥

cockroaches and I've got nothing.

I haven't been called Caroline in a while and I miss it.
They call me Caroline at Joe's Java. Went there tonight.

I forgot how blessed I came away from that place every single day I went.

I am so dang blessed.

I have a family that loves me. car that is reliable. an education. a warm house to sleep in. a refrigerator full of good food. I'm not addicted to drugs or alcohol. no boyfriend that abuses me. friends that care alot about me. nice clothes. money that I can blow at a movie or on a CD. stability. I'm healthy, and if I were sick, I'd have health insurance to pay.
but most importantly: a GOD who loves me beyond any other earthly love.

people keep talking about how bad the economy is. and legitimately, for some people it has gotten bad. there are more people being served at food kitchens than these places have seen in years. but I need to stop myself when I complain about it. I have not done a single thing to change the way I live since the economy has been dragging. honestly. maybe I need to reevaluate. if I'm not getting hitting hard, than I must be doing something wrong. not giving enough.

I talked to a man today. a good man. a man who was feeling blessed and praising God because he had just moved out of an apartment that was filled with cockroaches and black mold.
I have nothing to complain about.

♥

pearl jam says come back.

Is anyone else more alerts to scents when they're at home? I've noticed...

the chalky scent of summer that permeates every room in my house.
my bath towel smelling like pillows left out in the sunshine.
the wormy scent of my faded Honduras bracelet.
the bar of dove soap like golden spices.
my copper bracelect that smells like my fingertips after I've played guitar.
my sweatshirt like a good exhausting day at the pool.

my skin like a mixture of green beans and dirt.

maybe it's just the magic of leaving the windows open in your house...

♥

Honduras

Found out today "my kid", this 11-year old boy I really connected with at a state-run orphanage on a trip to Honduras this past Christmas, is gone from the orphanage.

I had sent pictures of us, a letter, and some stickers/temporary tattoos with a friend of mine that is currently at the same orphanage. She informed me that he is no longer there.

When I was with him, he told me was planning on running away. He was there in the first place because he had run away from his abusive mom (they lived in Mexico), and he had been picked up by the Honduran police. They put him in the orphanage.

The kids there are prisoners. There are no sheets on the beds, no pillows. My friend, Yan Carlos, had all of his belongings in a small shoe box. The only visible toys were the ones we brought for the children. There are 5 staff members to 100 kids. The kids are starving, STARVING for love. They don't get enough attention. The only time they leave the campus is for school. Most of the children have mental or physical disabilities, and do not receive the proper care. JOY is for lack in that place.

Trying to discover my role in all of this.

♥

1994 & Jesus Birthday Cake

I never thought it would feel strange to be in my own house.
21 years, and I'm still back in the same room, the same white furniture with the same chipped golden handles.

I have a terrible knack for reminiscing when I'm home for breaks. I think of Christmas mornings. Attempting to fall asleep with my stomach dancing, anticipating a new sled, popcorn, singing happy birthday to Jesus over breakfast cinnamon rolls.

Biking with the neighbors singing the Monkees in the light of the lingering sunsets falling on our cul-de-sac.

Puppet shows with my little brother that inevitably ended in fighting.

Running barefoot around the lawn, my biggest concern stepping on thorns from our juniper trees.

I think the reason alot of people have kids is so that they can live vicariously through their kids' adventures. I have become more and more intrigued by the idea of adoption, especially if I end up being single. Too many kids are growing up with memories plagued by abuse and loneliness instead of Christmas presents and summer days accompanied by song tracks.

♥