Bittersweet...No More Target

And so the end of another era has come for me. Today was my last day working at Target here in Centerville, Ohio. My first day was the mid-beginning ish of November, so more or less making my run at Target a 9-month stay. I definitely never anticipated at the beginning that I would still be here, but there are lots of studies done that reflect my sentiment. Many students moving back home, and many staying there much longer than they ever would have guessed.

My leaving Target is very bittersweet. I won't miss the corporate feel of everything I do - the constant 'go, go, go' and the feeling like I can't even stand still to have a conversation with someone lasting more than 10 seconds because I am not being productive. I understand why I feel this way - Target as a company was not created to improve their employees social lives by encouraging employees to have heartfelt conversations on company time. I understand that. But I still don't like it! I don't like feeling like every day I come into work, I am behind. We can never seem to get caught up with all the work we have to do. There were a few months earlier in this year where we were actually getting 'everything' done more-or-less by the end of the day, and it was a good feeling. But now that back-to-school selling is in full swing, it will be constant again with Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, Valentine's Day, and Easter until around May again of next year.

I won't miss being on my feet for my entire shift - literally not sitting down until my breaks. That is hard work! My body definitely has adjusted since I first started - but I have never enjoyed not being able to sit down during my shift. I realize there are many, many jobs like Target - food service and retail being the two main sectors in which this type of work is very similar - minimum wage for customer service and being on your feet the whole day.

I will miss my coworkers. I have definitely said, and will continue to say, that my coworkers at Target were awesome. I loved getting to joke around with the guys in the backroom - and that is something that I will definitely miss. But this was also a hard thing for me in that I felt like I could never really and truly get to know my coworkers. I wanted to be able to sit down and really talk with them - see what was going on in their lives. What are their stories? Why are they the way they are? Who has influenced them in their lives? What are their passions? These were questions I was never able to ask because of the nature of the job - there is no down time to get into these sorts of discussions, and that was frustrating to me. I love laughing with people and joking around - but I also love really getting to know people; deep conversations. Something that is just not going to happen at a work environment like Target.

While I feel like many jobs are like this - no time for personal conversations - there are also some jobs that seem to lend themselves to this sort of conversation. Jobs where your task does not require much concentration, you are stuck in the same vicinity/talking space as someone else, and it does not interfere with your work. My last job often was like this, at the group home, when the clients would be asleep and I could get to know my coworkers.

Someone at work yesterday asked me what I would do if I could do anything. I said I would like to love people and cook food. I did that at BCS, but at BCS I also felt torn and eventually moved on because I wasn't able to really use my brain very much on the job and I like to be challenged mentally.

At any rate, the plan as of Aug. 4, 2011 is to go visit my brother, hang out a lot with my friends, go to the beach with my family, maybe go visit someone else?, then head to Tennessee for 2 weeks where I will meet up with old friends and get a feel for the area and look for work. It's been a year now since I was living down there, and as many people have mentioned to me - I need to be careful that I am not simply romanticizing my memories of TN. Everything being equal, I would choose living in Chattanooga over Dayton in a heartbeat. But one of the things I have thought about more recently is whether or not I want to live alone. I used to be dead set on the idea - no one else to be accountable to, my way of decorating, my own standard of cleanliness, etc. But I have also been thinking a lot about the benefits of having a roommate. For one, it is cheaper. For two, it means community! I am not sure if my personality is cut out for living alone. This past year has been hard for me - so many things have been so uncertain for so long in my life now that when I think about going through more uncertainty with a new job and new friends and a new life - it scares me to think about doing all that and then not having anyone to talk to about it. Here in Centerville, one of my best friends is looking for a roommate, and I know that it would be an absolute blast living with her. She and I get along great, and I feel like the community that would be present in that house just may rival the community that came out of the house I lived in after I graduated college. Now that was a year! So many great memories of music, laughter, delicious food, friends, community, Jesus, farming - I have fond, amazing memories of that first year post-grad. And when I compare that to living along, somehow it just seems so lacking.

Red and khaki - last time I'm ever wearing that combo! hahah ♥